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It all began with Luis Suarez scoring, conceding a penalty, and biting a Serbian
(with love). Ivanovic wasn’t happy, but it was a true barbarian’s hat-trick.
Then, in a WWE “is this staged?” moment, Mike Tyson not only backed Suarez, but started following the Uruguayan on Twitter
After that, we imagined Luis and Mike getting matching tattoos.
Monday began with Robin van Persie scoring buckets of goals, like this one:
Thanks to RvP’s brilliance, we were also introduced to @rvp, an engineer in India. At first he wasn’t happy about it…
but then he came around….
Oh, and Man Utd won their 20th Premier League title, but more importantly Patrice Evra somehow got has hands on a fake severed arm, and decided it would be fun to celebrate with it and mock Luis Suarez
On Tuesday, we had the Chaaaaaampionsssssssss League. Bayern Munich looked like Lance Armstrong on performance enforcing drugs, otherwise known as Lance Armstrong
Lionel Messi wasn’t 100% and as a result the goals came pouring in like Bavarian beer. Naturally, it became Müller time
Then Müller time got a little drunk
Jordi Alba wasn’t happy about it, and it wasn’t a night to remember for him either
Speaking of poorly timed decisions, right before the Champions League began, it was leaked that Bayern already signed Mario Götze. It sucks for Dortmund, but they kept it classy for the most part
So we stayed in Germany, traveling to Dortmund…
Real Madrid definitely weren’t going to be embarrassed. After all, they have super Cristiano…
Aaaannnd then the Lewandowski show happened
This is pretty much what the last twenty minutes looked like for Madrid
Jurgen Klopp was pleased, which made us happy
People on Twitter were getting upset at SBNation and us because of Dortmund’s foreign names, which is pretty racist, but we turned them all into Pokémon anyway
The Europa League wasn’t too eventful, except David Luiz learned that Basel’s keeper is pretty awful
Also, Fenerbahce beat Benfica, but got way too emotional after missing a penalty
Oh, and Friday left us taking it all in, though we can’t forget about The Jozy Altidore experience. 30 goals this season, so for all those haters who doubted him and are now excited about Jozy…
And here’s Jurgen Klopp celebrating, one more time.